Community Advocacy and Support by and for Young Mothers

My Job

My Job by wonderwall

Out of the blue, in the beginning of my second trimester, I received a phone call.

“I just wanted to warn you,” she said. “My mom sent you an email. I told her it was horrible, but she sent it anyway.”

The woman sending the email was the mother of two; one my closest ‘pregnancy buddy’ and the other, the reason I was pregnant.

thought I had prepared myself for the worst when I clicked on the email. This turned out not to be true. The long winded, repetitive words stated a single message: If you want my son to be a father to his child, you need to be nicer to him.

I cried for an hour straight. How could she, the grandmother of my child-to-be, say such cruel things? She told me I was immature and petty, I was rude and a liar. She couldn't accept that I didn't look to her son as a Greek God figure! She even accused me of raising my (yet to be born) child to hate his or her father!

And then, I got angry. Since I got pregnant, I’ve learned anger is a very powerful tool for us single moms or moms-to-be. It makes us fight a little harder, dream a little bigger, and scream a little louder.

I got angry at the implication that it is MY JOB to kiss his ass. MY JOB to make him want to come around. MY JOB to make him want to be involved.

There is one thing I know, and that’s what my job ISN’T. My job isn’t:

-to stand by while he “goes out for cigarettes” and doesn’t come back for three weeks

-to applaud him for jumping into a new relationship immediately, living with her parents because he’s run out of others to feed off of

-to understand when he lies to me and breaks promises

-to accept that he’ll go months at a time without calling me.

My JOB, dear grandmother, is to raise MY child to be the best he or she could be! To teach him or her of love, understanding, open-mindedness, and beauty. To be there when he or she experiences pain, grief, loss, and sorrow.

If the father of my child chooses not to be involved in his or her life, it is NOT MY FAULT.

Why? Because being a father is HIS JOB, whether or not he accepts it.