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Sex with my rapist

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AnonymousMama's picture
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Last seen: 13 years 8 months ago
Joined: 2004-05-19 15:33
Sex with my rapist

I had sex with the man who raped me, but this time it was voluntary, sort of. He came over, and we did it. I dont know why it happened. He's my ex. I fell back into his trap. He sweet talked me and it worked. I seriously feel disgusting. I'm disgusted with myself and I'm disgusted with him for allowing me to fall into his trap. But mostly, I'm mad at myself. I'm mad at myself for the fact that I still love him, after all he did to me. I didn't know I could hate someone and love them at the same time. I want to be back with him, but I'm scared because everyone tells me I shouldn't. I just don't know what to do.

Delirium's picture
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Last seen: 12 years 5 months ago
Joined: 2004-07-20 11:23
Sex with my rapist

I am sorry you are feeling like that mama. This must be a really hard situation. You can't be mad at yourself for still loving him, that is something you don't have much control over. I have been trying to find the right words to say, but I can't. I can't give advice for something that I have never been in the same situation. I hope someone can give better words.

emily's picture
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Last seen: 10 years 1 week ago
Joined: 2004-05-06 12:49
Sex with my rapist

it's one thing to let someone sweet talk you into doing something you're not really sure you want once, but letting them do that continually can't be a good situation.

This person is definitely manipulative. A relationship can't work in a healthy way if one person is constantly manipluating you, it's considered abusive. It may seem okay now but this can and most likely will get worse if it goes on. He has already violated you as a person in the most horrific way, he knows now that he can do this to you and it will be 'okay' - you'll take him back and allow him to do it again.

I am not putting you down for letting your guard down, I understand what it feels like to want to believe that X is a good person, when really they don't have an ounce of compassion or empathy. If you value yourself and your family, you won't let yourself fall prey. I urge you to break off all contact with this person.

kell82504's picture
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Last seen: 9 years 5 months ago
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Sex with my rapist

I feel as if you were kind of manipulated. He probablly knew how much you still loved and took advantage of that. I am sorry that you were brought into his trap. I dont know what else to say. I hope you feel better and dont beat yourself up for this. Sit and think about it.

quelyn's picture
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Last seen: 11 years 6 months ago
Joined: 2004-06-16 17:00
Sex with my rapist

It is very common for people to go back to the one's who've hurt them. Why do you think so many women stay in abusive relationships? They still love the abuser. Don't beat yourself up over it. Its very normal and natural to still have feelings towards him. If you are sure that you don't want this to happen again then take some steps to ensure it doesn't. One of the first things you should do is write down every emotion that you are having about the situation. Don't leave out anything. Keep it in a safe place and read it whenever you are beginning to have feelings for him again. It will remind you why you are not together anymore and it will help empower you. Write about the rape and about this last encounter. Its very easy to forget certain things and to begin to have feelings for him again. If you do want to see if things could work between you, you should see a counselor together and separately and go very very slowly. Sometimes relationships can be healed and both parties can learn and grow and become better people because of it. Whatever you decide, don't forget to love yourself first and let me know if I can help out. Hugs to you.

katg's picture
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Last seen: 4 years 9 months ago
Joined: 2003-12-10 16:39
Sex with my rapist

I slept with Joe after we broke up-- the situation's not exactly the same, he didn't rape me before, but there was a lot of mental and emotional abuse involved in that relationship.
There's still an attraction to someone you once loved, you can't just stop that right away. It can be so hard, sometimes, but you can get through this. Just because you slept with him again, does NOT mean that you have to do it again, in any way, shape or form. You do NOT have to have contact with him, alone, if you are uncomfortable with that.
If you have arrangements for him to have visitation w/your kid or something, you can arrange for that to be supervised by someone that isn't you-- either through the gov't or with family/friends.

You did nothing wrong.
Are you in councling for the rape? Would you be willing to go to councling if you aren't right now? If you are, I would talk to your therapist about it, help yourself deconstruct what happend, why it happend, your emotions surrounding it.
If you need help finding a therapist, PM me and I can help you find one.

RileysMama2B16's picture
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Last seen: 11 years 4 months ago
Joined: 2004-05-06 22:30
Sex with my rapist

I didn't want to reveal my identity for this post at first, because I was afraid of being judged (after an incident in the past, that I really dont need to get into) but I just wanted to thank you all for your replies. I'm getting counseling again. I'm disgusted with myself for sleeping with him, but at the same time I still love him and i hate myself for that. I really dont know what to do.

aussie_mum's picture
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Last seen: 1 year 9 months ago
Joined: 2004-05-07 03:13
Sex with my rapist

I've been readaing a few of your posts lately and I had a feeling it was you, but didnt want to say incase I was wrong. I'm glad you are geting some help cause I know that, If I had had councelling when I needed it I would of felt alaot better!!!

Good Luck I hope everything goes well for you!!

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Last seen: 10 years 2 months ago
Joined: 2004-05-06 16:30
Sex with my rapist

i'm glad that you are in counseling again. please don't feel disgusted. there's nothing wrong at all about still having feelings for him, it's completely normal to have conflicting feelings.

it took me a long long time to get over my ex, although he'd been emotionally abusive. i knew intellectually that i didn't want to be with him and that he was only hurting me, but the emotions still lingered. i did get over it eventually, and it's going to happen for you too.

please protect yourself and make sure you're not going to be in any situation where this could happen again, but don't feel guilty.

kell82504's picture
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Last seen: 9 years 5 months ago
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Sex with my rapist

Well I am glad that you are going to counseling!! I need anxiety counseling but well I havent found the time and i am going down!!

You shouldn't feel disgusted with yourself but I can try to understand how you feel. I have loved someone before that mentally abused me and well i kind of hated myself but i tried to stay away and well realized he wasnt worth it!

bunnyxD's picture
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Last seen: 6 years 5 months ago
Joined: 2011-08-02 16:23
Re: Sex with my rapist

Dear AnonymousMama,
The same thing happened to me except he's not my bf. :(

momnipotent's picture
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Last seen: 4 years 5 months ago
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Re: Sex with my rapist

Sorry you're going through this mama.

NicoSwan's picture
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Last seen: 5 years 7 months ago
Joined: 2011-07-12 19:26
Re: Sex with my rapist

I'm glad to hear that you're getting help. This must be a very scary and confusing time for you.
With counseling and time you will begin to understand your feelings for this person a little better and learn how to change them.
Love is a very convoluted behavior. We have all loved someone who has hurt us in some way. It's learning to stop the negative behavior of going back to a person who will continue to manipulate you that is hard.
Good luck to you and stay strong.
Peace!

AdelaideG's picture
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Last seen: 5 years 8 months ago
Joined: 2012-04-28 02:01
Re: Sex with my rapist

I don't know what are the right words to say but i hope that with all the comments and advices here, you already realize that you are fragile. I understand that your feelings for him can't be controlled but you should not let him take advantage of you.

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Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
Joined: 2005-11-07 19:40
Re: Sex with my rapist

AdelaideG:

Welcome to girlmom! Please make sure to check out our mission statement (http://www.girl-mom.com/node/3126) and introduce yourself in our greetings and salutations forum.