girl-mom

Community Advocacy and Support by and for Young Mothers

Weight & Numbers

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Sisica's picture
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Last seen: 8 months 4 weeks ago
Joined: 2004-05-06 16:52
Weight & Numbers

I don't want to get into this in another thread where it was brought up but I just wanted to remind some people about why posting about our weights could be offensive.

If you state that you were or are a certain number of pounds (ex. 145 lbs.) or whatever and that for whatever reason, you're unhappy with that, it could be offensive to other people that weigh a different amount.

For some people, that could be a weight goal to drop to, or even far under it. When someone is struggling with losing weight or accepting themselves, that could be like a huge slap in the face. That's hurtful to some people.

Our goal here is to be a community that is sympathetic and empathetic to the feelings of EVERYONE here. For that reason, we should REALLY think about everything that we post and say and consider if it COULD be offensive to even one person here. This isn't about "free speech" or whatever because things we say could be hurtful.

This isn't the place to chat openly like we do in privacy with our best friends. We need to censor ourselves out of CONSIDERATION for others here. It's not our "right" to be hurtful to other people.

If you are concerned with something about weight, you could phrase it differently, elliminating the actual poundage that you are.

For example, you could say that you gained XX pounds during pregnancy and you're having trouble with that last XX pounds. We don't need to know how many pounds you were or are.

If you're concerned with a physical problem (baby pooch), you could mention that without using words like "fat" or "gross." That's hurtful!!! I wouldn't want to come here and see things like that and then look at myself and feel terrible!!!

THAT is why we should be considerate of those around us even if we, ourselves, are ok with sharing numbers!! If you MUST share those numbers, wait until you've made a few close friends on the site and talk about those things in PMs or Instant Messengers or email. And if someone tells you that you're being offensive or hurtful, please don't lash out. You're only going to hurt people's feelings, making yourself unwelcome.

The mods here have a very difficult job keeping this a safe place for EVERYONE. If there is one person acting out and hurting many different people, the mods are going to have to act in favor of the masses.

I may not be phrasing everything quite right and I may be omitting important factors. If anyone has the words to elaborate on this, please do.

This post isn't to call anyone out or point fingers; I just would like to explain WHY certain "rules" are established at this site so that girls, especially new members, can understand why it is that we should censor ourselves our of respect.

Help me out, girls!!

Sisica's picture
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Last seen: 8 months 4 weeks ago
Joined: 2004-05-06 16:52
Weight & Numbers

Forgot something:

There are also a lot of girls here with eating disorders. Some of these ED are really serious while other girls are struggling with recovery.

Reading here about how people are unhappy with XX weight could be very triggering. It could even go as far as a relapse.

When I was struggling with an ED, little comments took me over the edge. Once, I was eating a snack and a kid said to me, "You're eating AGAIN!" After struggling for months to refrain from puking my guts out every time I ate, I had a relapse. I ran to the toilet and the problem lingered for another 2 years!!! Two years of additional relapsed bulemia after thinking I was beating it!!

Anyhow, I really need to get ready for work.

SkyKid45's picture
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Last seen: 5 years 2 months ago
Joined: 2004-05-08 16:18
Weight & Numbers

great post.
I agree, we don't need to ever post our weight, you can just say how many pounds you are trying to lose or something.

bearbear's picture
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Last seen: 8 years 2 months ago
Joined: 2004-06-04 17:34
Weight & Numbers

Thanks for posting this!

naivete's picture
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Joined: 2004-05-06 15:48
Weight & Numbers

You don't even need to put how many pounds you are trying to lose. No numbers, no sizes, and no negativity. There are ways to try to be more fit AND body positive. It also may mean pushing yourself to realize that you can be fit and fabulous at any weight, or trying to ban together with other women to try and love yourselves the way you are instead of trying to fit into the impossible societal ideals. If in the end though, your goal is still weight loss, you don't need to drag other women down with you. It's really not that difficult to phrase things a little differently so that it won't offend or trigger women on this site, who may or may not be the same size as you, who are working at loving themselves and don't need to see other people putting them down in the same breaths as they're putting themselves down.

I mean, is it really so difficult to write:

"I'm not feeling too fit lately, I'd really like to lose a little bit of weight, any ideas?"

instead of

"I need to lose x pounds, I weigh x amount and I'm so *insert super derogatory words here*"

Freedom of speech ends at the same point where your rights end and mine begin. If you're invading my, or anyone elses, rights by speaking your mind, then it's passed freedom of speech and is just plain hurtful. We all have a right to surf this site and love ourselves no matter our shape or size or color or whatever, without having people making us feel badly about ourselves.

blueboymomma's picture
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Last seen: 10 years 1 month ago
Joined: 2005-11-11 22:16
thks

thank you for the reminder i have made that mistake before.

Chicamocha's picture
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Last seen: 5 years 9 months ago
Joined: 2004-05-08 14:16
Weight & Numbers

bump!