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Asking about his dadSubmitted by SkyKid45 on Fri, 06/13/2008 - 4:13pm.
So E has seen his dad 3 times since November and hasn't seen him at all in like 2 months. Lately, he has been talking about his dad a lot, mainly saying things like I really like my dad or I want to be just like my dad when I grow up, but also he has been asking why he doesn't see his dad at all. I'm not sure what to say when he says things like that. Its not that I won't let him see his father, its just that I am sick of going out of my way to have them see each other. I am the one who calls him, I set up the time and date, I drive the 25 minutes or so out to where he stays. He doesn't do anything at all, and usually I'm also the one who has to get them to interact. So anyway, I'm sick of doing all that shit just to have him not call again so I decided that I would stop trying to force being a dad on him and if he wants to see E he can call. And of course he hasn't. So like, I don't want to tell E all that but at the same time I don't want to lie and say he's out of town or he's busy or something like that. So I'm just not sure what to do, especially since he totally thinks his dad is the coolest guy. Also, we were out shopping for a fathers day card for my dad and E wanted to get a card for his dad but I wouldn't let him (mainly because I didn't have the money but also, he doesn't do shit so I really don't think he deserves a card) and I think that I made him feel bad, but I'm not getting him a card. Its just so frustrating sometimes! Does anyone have any ideas of things I could say to E that doesn't badmouth his dad but also that is honest? login to post comments
( categories: As They Grow )
What I do when my daughter asks why she doesn't see her dad is I just tell her that he lives far away. He does, but I don't think that's a very good excuse (he lives 400+ miles away). He hasn't seen K since October 2006 and doesn't call either. If your son wants to talk to his dad or get him a card, I wouldn't discourage things like that. He'll learn soon enough that his dad is not all that great. I wouldn't buy a card for his dad, but if he wants to make him one, I'd let him. If E wants to call his dad, just dial the number (unless he can do that) and hand the phone over. You don't have to be involved at all in a coversation with the BD. K also went through a faze where she thought her dad hung the moon even though she'd only seen him 1x that she recalled. Now she doesn't talk about him and instead of making something for her dad at school for Father's Day (a situation I was seriously dreading), she told the teacher that she wanted to make something for her grandpa instead. login to post comments
freeangel wrote: Now she doesn't talk about him and instead of making something for her dad at school for Father's Day (a situation I was seriously dreading), she told the teacher that she wanted to make something for her grandpa instead. LOTS of schools are introducing this idea. Matt's teacher put it right out front "let's make something for your dads or grandpas or uncles" so they know right up front if you don't have a dad, you make it for grandpa. But we're in Philly, and he goes to an inner city school, I don't know how they're handling it in the burbs (not that you're from the burbs) but I wish they'd do it this way everywhere. Single moms and divorced moms who's kids don't see the dad are growing as the norm pretty rapidly. If I wasn't with SO, my son would've been making things for my BIL. login to post comments
They had my daughter make something for father's day, and it really pissed me off because they know her situation. She's been asking about her biological father a lot, who hasn't seen her since she was a baby eight years ago. I tell her he never sees her because he lives far away, but she knows that's bullshit bese he lives in an adjoining state, and she's been much farther than that and has a good understanding of geography. When she really pressed the issue, I told her that he didn't know how to take care of himself in the world, and that he was in a place where they were helping him learn to do that. I told her he might never learn how, and that she might never see him. He's in prison right now, but she doesn't really know that. I think she has some sort of rehabilitation center in mind. She knows that he grew up in foster homes and on the streets. Anyway, the truth of why he's never seen her is that he was fucked up and drugs and didn't care about anything except doing and selling drugs, but she doesn't need to know that. login to post comments
Thats a good idea to have him make a card instead of buying one, I will suggest that to him if he asks again. Last year at daycare they did make something for fathers day but they did what Matt's teacher did, mamamayhem, and she suggested dad, grandpa, uncle, etc so that was nice. Thanks for the suggestions guys, it sucks that all our kids dads are such losers! login to post comments
i dont have many suggestions, in fact, i don't have any. i just wanted to say, i feel you. and i think we have the same ass hole bds. ugh. login to post comments
Hey skylar didnt get to get back to you on myspace im so sorry! J has been doing this alot as well and when he asks me where his dad is he's not her right now. Its sort of true but kinda keeps him off my back for a while about it. Its different in your situation thn mine. J has never known a dad so when he asks me who his dad is I point to myself and advise him hes looking at him. Im sorry bd isnt taking part in E's life it's not fair and E doesnt desearve that. login to post comments
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You could always take the route of not saying anything for a while. Don't disagree with him when he goes on about it, just "mmhmm" or something. When he asks why he hasn't seen him, try using "I don't know." All the dad stuff is probably a reaction to something else going on in his life, or an attempt to fit in with kids he knows who have dads around. If it's possible, get him hanging out with guys who are actually IN your life, like your dad. Maybe they could take him for a regular afternoon once a week or something, something to kind of replace the "my dad is so cool" with someone who actually IS cool (which let's face it, we can't always be cool. We have to be the parent, which SDs have the luxury of not being)