I just sent him a txt that said if he doesn't contribute the way he said he would and treat me like I matter he can fuck off. I'm sure it will piss him off, and he'll probably break up with me.

I think that you and him do not seem like a natural fit for each other. It seems like a lot of your problems stem from the very nature of your personalities, and that is not something that is easy (maybe even impossible) to change. I know it is hard when you love somebody enough to keep fighting for your relationship, but it seems like you'd be better off letting go. Focus on yourself and your kiddos and someone 'right' may come along.

You might be right, but I have a hard time doing that. I'll just find some other asshole to sleep with until he breaks my heart. This guy is honestly the best boyfriend I've ever had. Half of them have been homeless, most have been jobless, and none of them treated me right.
Anyway, I really really love him. Now I wish I hadn't sent that txt, because I'm pretty sure it will make him break up with me. Besides, I'm so tired of being a single mom. I really don't want to do it by myself anymore. I really thought he was ready to be serious about me, but it seems like he's not.

Honestly Hun... I agree with Charlie.
It's great that you love him, but if he isn't on the same wavelength emotionally, or doesn't treat you like he is.... You are sitting with Mr. Wrong, when you could be sitting with Mr. Right.
And as Charlie said as well, fighting for someone and your relationship with them is great, but relationships are hard enough when BOTH people are working on them. In this situation it sounds like you are working your buns off, and he is acting like a perfect asshole.
You deserve better... and by the sounds of it, so do your children.
You and your kids, are a package deal.
I can see not wanting to be a single mom anymore.... but seriously, it sounds like you'd be better off at this point....
You need to build yourself up, and then you will attract someone who deserves you Hun.
Don't waste your time on someone who is bringing you down, and sounds like they have been for awhile....
XoXo.

Thanks. I really want him to work on this relationship, but if he isn't willing to do that I can't keep letting him step all over my heart. And you're right. Me and my kids are a package deal.

Exactly... You're an amazing woman, not a doormat.
And you have babies to take care of, and no time for his BS.

I'm sorry that the guy you're with is an ass hole. Trust me, I have the same problem, when it comes to choosing the wrong people to date. You deserve way better than that though. I hope things get better for you soon hun.

When he got home, I thought he was going to be mad at me. But the first thing he said was, "I'm being an asshole and it's good you aren't putting up with it. I'm really sorry." We talked about why things had been going the way they were, what was going on in his head, etc. He told me he's been scared lately because he's been thinking about committing to me more seriously, and being more involved with the kids. He says he's terrified of all of us getting too attached to him and him accidentally hurting us, and he doesn't want to give my kids any more false daddies.
He told me he's not going anywhere, and that he will do everything he can to treat me better and take care of me. He said he's in love with me, and all he really wants is to come home and be with me every day. He explained to me what had been going on in his head lately, and promised to be more careful with my feelings. He also told me his mother was dying. I knew she was a part of his problem, because he went to see her a couple days ago and came home feeling horrible, and that was the day we started fighting. His mother causes him huge emotional problems.
We changed some furniture around in the bedroom a little bit because the way our bed was set up was causing discomfort for both of us while sleeping, which he thinks is why he was yelling at me in the middle of the night. He doesn't even remember it, but he's really sorry. He said he would make sure to help me out more, and give me more money for groceries, and give me the affection I need. He gave me a nice massage, and cuddled and talked to me for a long time, and we had loving sex.
He told me he really cares about my kids, but he doesn't know how to deal with them, but that I'm an excellent mother and he will follow my lead. He also told me he was paying for our whole trip to the Celtic games, including sky diving, food, and camping, as a birthday present, and that he was planning to make my birthday a very special one this year. He also told me he was really glad I came out to find him the other night, so all his friends could see what an awesome girlfriend he had. He told me, "none of the other girls are like you. You are so smart, beautiful, and amazing."
So I feel better. And if he starts to slide back into his assholisms, I'll be sure to continue to demand respect, and accept nothing less. He is really a wonderful man, and in many ways we are perfect for each other, and I think if he is really willing to put in the effort to make me happy, we can work out our personality conflicts.
Thank you so much for your support. I was feeling really sad today, and everything you ladies said made me feel so much better. I know I can come to you all for honest answers from a perspective I trust.

He doesnt like your kids? I would never, ever put up with that mama. And cheated on you. You need to leave this man! It doesnt sound at all like things are going to get better...
My first impression is maybe you are afraid of being alone? You deserve better! Even if it means being single again.

I shouldn't of said he doesn't like my kids. More that he doesn't like the fact that I have kids. He does get annoyed easily and likes his space. But he never has taken it out on them in any way. He's actually really good with the kids, he never tries to discipline them really, he just reasons with them. He rents them movies and cooks for them all the time. If he goes and gets something for him and I, he gets something for the kids too. Even my ex-husband didn't do that.
Really, what's going on is he has this jekyll/hyde thing, where he has very strong preferences and a predisposition to be left alone, but he is also a really sweet, wonderful man when he isn't stressed out. He and I both have emotional issues, and so he snaps a bit too easily and I blow things out of proportion. He has never yelled at me or called me names or any of the terrible things all my other exes have done. When I say he yelled at me a couple nights ago, I mean he griped at me. He didn't raise his voice.
I was totally ready to let him go yesterday. I decided I couldn't be with someone that wasn't in love with me and couldn't accept my kids. But when I talked to him last night, he explained so much of what he was really feeling, that I didn't see. He talked about how he's in love with me, and I have such a wonderful family and am a great mother. He said my kids are so bright and intelligent, and so obviously loved and well cared for. He explained how hard it is for him to let go of the way he grew up, and open himself to someone, and that he wanted to so badly, but there was no love when he was a child, and so he's had to teach himself as an adult that love is okay, and how to get along with people. I knew him as a kid, and I know his family, so I understand in a way that most people wouldn't. I am willing to be patient with him, as long as he keeps working toward healthier behavior and thinks about his words and actions.
He has a special feeling toward my daughter, because she reminds him so much of himself as a child. Much of his reservation about my kids has to do with his fear that he will get attached to them, and they will get attached to him, and we will break up, and it will hurt my daugter terribly. Because she's already lost a dad and a step dad, he doesn't want to do that to her again. Especially since she really wants a daddy. He wants to be her friend in a way, but he doesn't want either of them to see him as a father figure. With my son, it's true that he has an aversion to small children, but it's more because he doesn't know how to deal with them, or what to expect out of them. Their lack of predictability makes him nervous, I think. But he's really good with him. My son thinks it's really funny to call my bf names, and when he does my bf says things like, "that's not very nice. I don't call you names."
And yes, he cheated on me a year ago. And I'm not over it. It's still very raw. We broke up for three months after he did that, and I hated him and wouldn't even talk to him. But when I was in a really terrible relationship with a horrible peice of shit that raped me while we were broken up, he started coming over or calling every day, checking on me and asking if I was okay, asking around to see if I was being abused. The day after the guy raped me, I went to my bfs house crying, and when he saw me, he just held me and stroked my back. He asked me what was wrong and I wouldn't say a word, and he just held me until I was ready to leave.

i just really wanted to point something out.. things may be great sometimes or even most of the time but when you said he said ur daughter has an annoying voice or doesnt like to be around them... that throws HUGE red flags up. NO ONE should treat your children that way. i dont care if the kids heard it or not, it still hurts you. people screw up, i get that, but some things you just dont say.
my partner and i have our ups and downs... it isnt about what he buys for my kids that matter, its the time he puts in with them, the helping me tuck them in, eating dinner with us, colouring, showing the girls interesting things and actually explaining it... those are the important things.. the bonding time. if he didnt want you and your children to get attached, why'd he move in??? obviously that is going to happen if hes there all the time.
if this was just a fight and not an everyday occurance, i hope he does treat you and your children WAY better because you all deserve it. being a single mom is hard, but its also worth it. dealing with an asshole is never fun because then your kids witness it too and how fair is that? they deserve to see mama happy! but all the power to you mama and honestly dont let him walk all over you.. stand your ground, it isnt just his life hes living anymore.
good luck and i wish u and ur fam the best.

That sounds a lot like my last relationship. I thought I wanted to work on things with him even though we fought all the time, He did not contribute, He had a different lifestyle, he slept with another woman, and did not really like the idea of me having kids. I thought we could make it work. After about a million failed attempts at having a happy life with him, a million broken promises, and a million gut wrenching fights, I decided to leave. We had gone though the same bullshit for too long and I knew that things were not going to change. Even though he always came back and admitted to me that "he had been acting like an asshole" things only seemed to get worse. I was so worried about leaving him despite the fact that I knew it was the right thing to do. It finally happened in August when we had a really stupid fight, and broke up- I left with the kids to stay with my mom for a while- I even tried to move back in with him until about two weeks had passed and I finally decided not to get back with him.
To be honest, it was so hard to finally take that step and to leave him once and for all. But I am so happy I did. I am so much better off with out him. My kids are happier, I am happier and I can finally focus on me without the worry of dealing with him. Breaking up is not easy. Especially when you feel that there is a lot invested into the relationship or when you think you love someone.
I think you should consider your options. Look at what your life would be like without him. Sure it might be a difficult transition, and being single is not always fun. But you are a strong mama, and you don't need a man in your life, especially one who is going to make you this upset.

Wow, since this resurfaced, I just want you all to know things are much better. We have settled into living together, and he helps more than I ever thought he would. He watches the kids and encourages me to go out when he knows I need a break, he does all the hard physical work like chopping firewood and taking the garbage down the driveway, he cooks, and cleans, and is really here for us. It was really hard for him at first, because it was a huge lifestyle change, and I almost left him over it because he was depressed and irritable. But things are much better now. Although we do both still have some issues.